GUIDE TO BEING BADASS

            “ “…so how much force should to applied on the body M in this direction so that the body remains in an equilibrium?”

            Mrs. Sharma glances towards XII-D to see 30 blank faces. Amongst the crowd one hand shot straight up and none of the kids even bothered to look at who it was.

            “Ma’am, for the body to remain in equilibrium we will need to apply a total of force 35N.”, the student confidently answered.

            “Thank you Shaurya. You may sit.” Even Mrs. Sharma wasn’t at all baffled or even slightly impressed by the 16 year old boy’s answer. He was the only student who according to the teachers ‘has hope’ in succeeding in life.

            Shaurya Aggarwal was the topper of his class right from first grade. He was nurtured to be the perfect student, without flaws or defects. He was brought up in such an environment that he had no connections or any form of contact with any human being outside his condo other than school. His mind was nurtured to dwell in the world of textbooks, a training which took him far ahead of everyone in class though he was lagging behind in the real world. Time doesn’t wait for anyone and thus it didn’t even wait for Shaurya. The world moved on while he still live in the 2000s.

            The school bell rung and all of the students sprinted out of their daily morning prison with their cell mates and a reverberation of different gossips were being heard in the hallway.

            Shaurya put all his books in his bag, double-strapped and slowly walked out of his class.

            “Hey Siddharth, isn’t that the guy you were talking about? I cant believe that he lives in 2014 but doesn’t even have a Facebook account or a phone for himself. What a nerd.” A whisper hit Shaurya’s ear. When some more loud whispers followed haunting him, he quickly walked towards his car.

            Initially Shaurya used to ignore all these comments which he used to hear on a daily basis but lately they were starting to torment him. He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong? He was exactly doing what he was being told to do for all these years. During the 30 minute car trip to his house he understood one thing and he wanted to overcome it. He realized that he was a puppet whose hands were tied up and he was doing what he was told to do for all these years, He needed to break the strings and be set free.

            As soon as he reached home he locked his room and turned on the computer. He wondered for a while why he always thought of this machine to supplement his studies and why he never used it to for the more common purposes like Facebook, Youtube or games etc. He quickly erased these thoughts and proceeded to double clicking an icon tagged Internet Explorer. He remembered his elder brother used to use the internet a lot and he used to define it to Shaurya as the world’s largest textbook. Shaurya knew that his brother was mocking him but he did wonder what the extremes of this World Wide Web were. He opened Google and typed in the search bar:

‘How to be Cool’

Many links popped up in front of him but there was one link which caught his eye. It said :

‘How to be a Badass’

He clicked the link and started reading…

‘HOW TO BE BADASS

            A badass isn’t an annoying prick. He is the man all women secretly desire and all men look up to. Think of badass and there is just one guy I remember: Gru from Despicable Me. He is one real badass and there is no denying that. To be a badass you can do 2 things.

            One, strap your earphones on, play the Despicable Me soundtrack on a loop, walk very slowly with a little bounce in your step and stare at every guy who walks past you with a smug expression.

                        A badass is a guy who doesn’t care about anything. He just exists. Everyone else, well they either serve him or get in his way. A badass isn’t an alpha. He isn’t a bad boy either. He’s just a scary guy who is somehow extremely intimidating yet so darn awesome. Everyone wants to be a badass, because badass makes everything look so cool.

            A badass isn’t a prick who goes hurting people for no reason. He is just an awesome guy who knows he is above other mortal men.

            The most important trait of being a badass is his unpredictable nature. He keeps his secrets close and emotions shut unless he releases it with a vengeance.

Or two, be a badass all the time by following the given instructions:

·        Stop worrying about everyone’s opinions. You know who you are and your loved ones love the person you are. So stop trying to please everyone you meet in life.

·        A badass never fidgets. Nervous wannabes fidget. A badass moves with calculated precision and never cracks his knuckles or shuffles his feet when he is stationary.

·        Badass have a piercing gaze when they’re have a conversation with someone. If they are happy the corner of their lips curls into a small smile. If they are displeased, their expression turns into a grimace that makes anyone feel like they are going to get punched in the face.

·        A badass doesn’t shake or nod their head for every line they hear. When you are having a conversation with someone just stare at them or answer with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It will intimidate anyone you speak to.

·        A badass is a succinct. Never use six words when you can use one. A badass never indulges in idle conversations. Always keep your sentences short. It will make the other person to talk more and fill in the gaps and that leaves them feeling intimidated.

·        A badass’ smile is a rare phenomenon. It’s seen only on rare occasions. Your smile should feel like a compliment to the other person. So don’t smile unless you are laughing maniacally.

·        Speak in a low and firm voice without a quiver all the time. A man who uses a high pitch is never a Badass, he is the guy craving for attention.

·        Never wait for a thank you. Hold the door open for a girl but leave before she can turn and say thank you. This makes them want to know you.

·        People who are extremely confident and full of themselves always speak slowly because they don’t care about wasting another person’s time. On the other hand if you are a fast talker, be firm and commanding. It has the same badass effect because it reveals that you don’t have time to waste on others. But never let anyone cut you in between when you are talking.

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All said and done, a badass is ruthless and emotionless only with the people he interacts with professionally. When it comes to his personal life, he is a very loving, respectful and decent man who cares for his family and loves them to death.

The badass is a wall he builds to protect himself from the lesser mortals and people that don’t matter to him. To the ones he loves, he is warm and caring, and never has an ego.”

           

            There was an outburst of applause form the crowd. On the stage stood an Indian man who was around his 20s wearing a smart suit and tie.

            A lady hoped onto the stage, “Thank you Mr. Shaurya Aggarwal for spending your valuable time and coming here to TED Talks.”

            Shaurya smirked, then turned back and the curtains fell.